Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Humble Pie

Have you ever noticed how your little angels have an uncanny ability to crack the lid off your composure and you totally bust into hysterical giggles at the most inappropriate moment?
Or how you're having a "my-butt-looks-not-too-bad-in-these-jeans-today" kinda day and they stick that little pin of reality into your bubble of vanity, mid-strut?
Or how they just come out with the most honest of observations (loudly) and you wish the floor would open up and devour you?

Connor is a charmer and he knows it. Little old ladies want to pinch his cheeks and the rest of them always tell him how cute he is. He's got these huge green eyes, long, thick dark lashes and dimples I could drown in. He's so much like his Daddy...

Last week we braved the bitter cold to visit a local department store for some new threads. I had chosen a pair of workout pants and a cute bikini to try on. I was feeling pretty good about my new fitness regime and was quite happy with the results I was seeing in my butt. I pranced towards the fitting rooms, feeling confident that my tush looked better than it had in a long time, and I was having a good hair day too. Connor started flirting with the young lady that was working there. He asked her a ton of questions about everything, and was drawing a crowd of admiring bystanders. (I guess the staff had nothing better to do maybe?) I had one of those "My kid is so cute and smart-I love him to pieces" moments as he and I went into the fitting room.

Still chattering away, he admired himself in the mirror as I tried on the pants. "Uh, Mama? I think you shouldn't get those pants." He lowered his eyes, turned slightly and coyly glanced over one shoulder at himself. "They're too exercise-y! I think that you have a big booty!" I could hear the girls outside giggling at his critique.
Thankful he was at least distracting himself with his own vanity, I ditched the pants and began to try on the bikini over my undies. "Hey Mama! I see your booty crack!" The girls outside were trying not to snicker too loudly. " Uh, Mama? Why do you have a 'shina?"

There was a split second of silence in which I was prepared to explain again the difference between boys and girls, knowing that we were being overheard. The girls were fighting the urge to bust out laughing.

At that exact second, Connor broke wind. Loudly. "Dude! I just farted! Ugh! That's rotten!" he announced proudly as he giggled. The girls outside howled with laughter. I wanted to die.

I made him excuse himself and got dressed to make the walk of shame back out of the fitting room. As I opened the door, some of the girls were still red faced and giggling. "How'd you get along in there?" one asked me, smiling broadly as I handed her the pants and put the bikini in the cart.

"Oh, it was a blast!" I giggled. "Which way to the Humble Pie?"