Saturday, April 08, 2006

Sweet Ride

This was way too cool, because I have been lusting after this car since I first saw it!! If I win the big bucks, this baby is coming home with me!! Besides being totally hot, it's a Saturn!! I Heart Saturn!

You Should Drive a Saturn Sky

You're sleek and smooth, and you need a car to match your hot persona.
Besides, sometimes you want your top up - and sometimes you want it down.

The Good Husband's Guide To...

Dealing With a Wife In Pain: See Also - A light hearted attempt to poke fun at a shitty situation!!

1. Always offer to drive your wife to the hospital if she is in excruciating pain. She does not want to drive herself. Telling her that she can go in herself and that you wanted to exercise will result in a pain induced meltdown from your wife, whereupon she will cry like a baby, call you a jerk, and throw her slipper in your general direction. You will also not get laid for a long time.

2. Upon your arrival at the hospital with your wife, eating a bag of Cheetos Crunchits (knowing they are your wife's favorite) in front of your wife as she suffers mouth pain and is unable to eat any herself or tell you off, well that's just cruel. Again, the no sex rule may be justly applied to this situation.

3. After waiting for hours at the hospital emergency room, your wife may be tired. She wants to come home, pop some pills and fall asleep. Kissing her neck, nibbling her ears, and whispering that you have something that will make her feel better is adding fuel to the wrong fire. Unless it's a strong dose of pain killers, save it. She doesn't care. She's still hurting, and still pissed about the Cheetos thing.

4. After returning home and your wife discovers that her monthly friend is visiting yet again, she is now experiencing killer cramps in addition to her mouth pain. Whining about how long it's been since the Old Fella has seen any action and that you can't even get a blowjob may result in the injury and/or dismemberment of certain Old Fella.

5. When calling the wife's boss to inform him that she is unable to work her scheduled shift the next day, telling him that she is "whacked out on drugs" may result in her having to pee in a bottle upon her arrival back to work. This is a no-no, even if her job is serving alcohol to already very drunk people.

6. Taking the family for a drive is a wonderful idea, however swinging by the drive thru at Tim Horton's and devouring a Chocolate Caramel Filled donut in front of your wife who has only been able sip fluids is probably not a great idea after all. Remember that: Woman plus Period plus Chocolate = Week from Hell for HER. Woman plus Period minus Chocolate = Week from Hell for YOU.

7. Lastly, remember that no matter how much you love your wife and how great you've been about cooking the tasty meals (that she can't eat) and how wonderful you've been with the kids and the housework, your wife really does appreciate and love you. Just don't expect to get laid!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006


Mother Nature can be a real bitch sometimes:

Quoted cost of extraction: $80.00
Actual cost of Extraction: $150.00
Cost of Ibuprofen and medicated mouth rinse: $21.00
Cost of follow up visit: $80.00
Cost of Tylenol #3, Tea Tree Oil, Clove Oil for Pain Relief, and Natural Toothpaste (the Sodium Lauryl Sulfates in regular toothpaste irritates cankers and other mouth sores. It's actually classed as an "irritant to skin, eyes and mucous membranes," yet we have it in our soaps, shampoos and toothpastes? Go figure! ): $37.00
Cost of Gas to get Tea Tree Oil and Clove Oil(because the natural food store in Summerside closed and you have to go to Charlottetown now): $20.00
Cost of Gas to go to Hospital when things get really bad: $10.00
Cost of Antibiotics and Toradol(more pain killers): $53.00
Cost of Meal Replacement Drinks (because Spaghetti in a blender isn't really all that great unless you're 8 months old, and it still hurts way too much to eat it that way): $14.00
Total Cost of "80.00" extraction so far (I have to go back again tomorrow if I'm still not any better): $385.00
Starting my period during all this: F*@#ing PRICELESS !!