Sunday, January 11, 2009

Baby Forever

Remember the day when we sat on the front deck, you and I? Remember how we kicked off our sandals and let the cool breeze tickle our bare feet?

Remember how we spun around in the hammock swing until we were both dizzy and breathless, giggling at how the world around us was twirling so fast even after we had stopped?

"Take a picture Mamma!" you squealed with delight, "take a picture of us being dizzy together!"

That was when you told me you would be my Baby Forever, and that you didn't want to grow up because you loved me so, and that growing up eventually meant that you would have to leave me to spin in the swing all by myself.

I reassured you that some day soon you would want to grow up, that being a Baby Forever wasn't as much fun as being a Bigger Kid. Being a Bigger Kid meant that you got to do cool things, like riding a bike without training wheels or going to the mailbox by yourself, or going to the movies with your friends.

"If you were a Baby Forever, you couldn't do all those things that a Bigger Kid gets to do" I gently reminded you.

"Like going to school?" you hesitated, placing your little hands on my cheeks and staring into my eyes, the way you always do when you are very serious about something.

"Yes," I replied "like going to school. Your brother and sister are Bigger Kids, and they go to school."

Your eyes clouded with determination and you patted my face. "Well, you don't have to worry Mamma. I'll be your Baby Forever and I will stay with you so you won't be lonely. I think that I would miss you if I went to school."

My heart cracked open a little bit, and I had to swallow hard so you wouldn't hear the tears in my voice. "Oh My Sweet Boy," I whispered into your hair as you nestled your head into my neck, "you know that no matter how old you get, or wherever you go, you will always be my Baby Forever."

As the seasons changed and the years passed, I believed that you would be my Baby Forever. We spent our days reading and giggling, playing and snuggling as we wove an invisible nest of closeness and security around ourselves. It was a strong and cozy nest, and we were happy in it for a long time.

Sometimes though, even the strongest of nests are not always strong enough when the Winds of Change start to blow.

"Mamma, I miss playing with friends" you would now start to lament. Things that we used to do together didn't make you as happy as they once did. The soft and familliar nest that we shared together for five years was getting too small for you, and you were yearning to stretch your wings.

One day, you came to me with a troubled heart, and your chin quivered when I asked you what the matter was.

"I sometimes think that I would want to go to school, but then I feel sad because who would snuggle you?"

I took in the expression on your worried little face and realized that the time had come to let go. I smiled at you and pulled you onto my lap. "You would, My Sweet Boy! I think that if you went to school, then you might be happier. If you are happy, then Mamma is happy too. School is only for a little while during the day, and we would still have all the rest of the day to snuggle!"

You studied my eyes, tiny hands gently resting on my cheeks again for a few minutes before answering "I think I would feel proud if I went to school."

"Then you will go to school, and I will be proud too." I spoke into your hair as I hugged you close to me.

"But Mamma?" you squeezed tighter, "I'll still be your Baby Forever won't I? Even if I get big and go to school?"

With my heart in my throat, I kissed the top of your head, "Yes my love, you will always be my Baby Forever."

Sunday, January 04, 2009


I think a little alone time is good for everyone. It gives us a chance to unwind from the events of the day, and to let the thoughts wander.

Connor tends to become overstimulated quite easily, and calming him is usually not an easy task. Oftentimes, I need to move him to a quieter, more soothing environment until he's not feeling so overwhelmed. Finding him sitting quietly on his own Friday evening came as a pleasant indication of his increasing autonomy and self awareness.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of another term at school for the two older kids, and a few new exciting projects for myself. After the hectic pace of the holidays, I'm looking forward to getting back into a normal routine again, and starting a few new ones.

I took advantage of some quiet time myself this weekend after the kids were in bed. It was nice to feel myself sinking into the sofa and finally being able to take that deep, relaxing breath...

Hope you find some quiet time for yourself this week too!


Friday, January 02, 2009

In With the New - The Rest of 2008

...was a blur really. Being busy will do that to a girl.

July 2008

We picked the first Strawberries from our garden. In a word - Delicious!
We ate a LOT of Strawberry Spinach Salad. It really doesn't get any fresher than this!
We made castles in the sand.
We skipped stones and enjoyed nature's beauty.

August 2008

It rained!!! And, it was the month of Horse Shows
and trophies.
Terran prepares for High School
and my very tanned sister Crissy moved to Alberta.

September 2008

This was The Month of New Starts. Terran started High School, Maddie started grade 6 and Connor started Homeschool Kindergarten.
We started a little thing called The Bathroom Reno.
My baby sister Kayla went away to College in Ontario
and I started taking care of children at home.

Oh! We celebrated our 3rd Wedding Anniversary too!

October 2008

We finally had Sunflowers and Pumpkins, Pumpkin Pies and Chicken Pot Pies...I have Pie Crust Issues. Please send Help. Thank You.
Kayla came home for Thanksgiving.
Terran needed a haircut.
Connor got pneumonia
and we were finally getting closer to having a completed bathroom. Almost.

November 2008

My oldest boy turned Fifteen. And still really needed a haircut.
Levi turned...older than legal drinking age.
My mom left for Alberta and had her birthday also.
to this in three very long months. It was totally worth the wait though.

December 2008

Did you think I was going to go on forever? I was beginning to think I might...

We got new windows and doors, and SOMEBODY finally got a haircut!
We decorated the house and settled in to celebrate Christmas with friends and family. And the pets of course.
The kids told stories by the fire - Kayla was home for the holidays
and so was Levi's sister, Martina.
We had a wonderful Christmas - Levi's parents, Martina and her husband Reg, my mom and Kayla were all here to share it with us. I truly felt blessed and happy to be where I am.

This past year certainly has been one filled with changes, and despite the many challenges, I feel ready to embrace whatever the New Year has to offer.
Wishing you and your loved ones all the best in 2009!


Thursday, January 01, 2009

Out with the Old - The First 6 months of 2008

Happy New Year!!

Time to review the old year and get on with some new stuff! Whoo-hoo! I think 2008 will be hard to beat as far as "new stuff" goes though - we've had a TON of changes happen around here last year, some good, some not so much. We all made it to January 1, 2009 intact and for the most part, happy, so I'll consider that a success.

January 2008

The Big Ice Storm

during which we lost electricity for a week.
Friends and family whose electricity was restored before ours was had invited us into their homes for steamy showers, hot meals and warm conversation.

I lost my job at the Family Resource Centre.

My baby sister turned 17.I love her to pieces.

February 2008

Back Porch Reno!

We started off with a dark, gloomy cave of a room and gutted it...

and made it a bit brighter by painting the floor and walls. At first the walls were a beigey-green, but I didn't really like it, so Levi made it greener to get this pretty color...

but then I decided that I liked this color better. I changed it when he was at work one day. Then I took the kids to swimming lessons before he got home. He likes it now. The End.

I started working part-time at the Montessori School and loved it. Life was good.

March 20008

My baby turned Five

My baby sister went to Italy

By mid-month, what I thought was a stomach virus turned into something more serious. I lost 14 pounds in two weeks and continued to lose. I also started hemmoraghing. The rest of the month was spent visiting specialists and trying not to go insane. Because I was unable to continue working, I attempted to file for unemployment/sick benefits. I was eight hours short and did not qualify. The stresses of unemployment and illness left me feeling depressed and my marriage hit a rough patch. I felt inadequate as a mother. This was the worst month of the year for me.

Did I mention that my baby turned FIVE?? His little face makes everything so much better.He is my sunshine...

April 2008

I'm finally starting to get some answers, and my health had started to stabilize a bit.

My sweet girl turned Eleven and Connor and I made a special "Birthday Breakfast" for her.
I had a hysterectomy two days after her birthday, and spent the rest of the month trying to recover. Friends and family helped to boost my spirts and I started to feel hopeful about the future again.She really did this to herself...and I still giggle everytime I look at it!

May 2008

May saw a stronger me, both physically and emotionally.

I turned 33, and my parents came to visit from Newfoundland to help celebrate with me.

Even though my dad was recovering from an accident and subsequent shoulder surgery, he still managed to BBQ the best steaks ever with one arm. My sister Crissy was also here to chow down with us that night!

June 2008

My baby sister graduated from High School. I'm so proud of her...

This was a great reason to get all dressed up and head to the big city! LOL!
And of course the kids were on their best behavior

We also added to our family -we adopted Beckham from the PEI Humane Society.

We planted our veggie garden, and the kids finished school for the summer. Terran graduated from Jr. High.

Tomorrow, the Rest of the story! I know, I know, but try to contain your excitement! My computer won't let me do anything else and my eyes are starting to cross from staring at this stupid screen.

Stay Cozy!